It’s up to you who you – and your child, as they mature – tell that your child has HIV, and when you tell them.

HIV is a ‘non-notifiable’ condition. You don’t have to tell playgroups, schools, or other parents. Illnesses, absence, and medicines can all be explained without reference to HIV.

If you do plan to tell someone else about your child’s HIV, think carefully about your reasons for doing this. Does the person really need to know? Will it make a positive difference to the wellbeing of your child? When your child is older, how will they feel about this person knowing they have HIV? Who else might this person tell? What will the consequences be if other people find out?

There can be benefits to telling people about your child’s (or your own) HIV status. Most importantly, it can open sources of love and support, or make services easier to obtain. Many people have had very good experiences after telling others about their child’s HIV or their own, and have found that loved ones, friends, and professionals have done their best to help. However, there may be times when people’s response is less positive, and your child or your family may experience unpleasant or discriminatory treatment. NAM’s booklet HIV, stigma & discrimination has information about dealing with these situations, and there are support organisations that can help.

Staff at the clinic and at HIV support organisations will be able to talk through the pros and cons of telling people about your child’s health and HIV.

It is possible, even likely, that your child will be asked by friends at school about their time off for things like clinic visits and illness, or why he or she needs to take medicines. When you talk to your child you could tell them that their illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but that it’s private. You can also think of some potential answers to give to other children about absences or taking medicines. It’s often useful to keep these answers vague.

As your child gets older, they may want to tell more people about their HIV status (and this will become more important once they start thinking about having sexual relationships; see The future). You will need to help them think through the impact of telling more people, how they might do it and the best time to do it.