Experiencing stigma and discrimination can be very painful for anyone. Try not to bottle up your feelings about these experiences.

First of all, don’t blame yourself.  Remind yourself that stigma and discrimination are wrong.

If you can, talk to somebody close to you that you trust, or make contact with an HIV support organisation so that you talk through your experiences and feelings in a safe and supported environment. (You can find contact details for HIV support organisations in the section Getting support and championing your rights.)

“If I am upset, the only way I can get relief is telling someone that is very close to me.”

If it feels safe and appropriate, and you have the confidence to do so, it may be worth having a discussion with the person who has said or done something that you think is stigmatising or discriminatory.

It’s best to stay calm and open-minded when doing this. It’s possible that the person did not intend to upset you or cause offence or that you’ve misinterpreted their words or actions. If you fear stigma or discrimination, it’s sometimes possible to misinterpret quite innocent episodes. The person may simply have little awareness or understanding of HIV.

You could ask the person why they said or did the thing that has caused you to feel upset. You could then calmly explain your point of view. This gives the person an opportunity to put things right.

“My GP wrote HIV+ on the front of my notes in big red letters. Anyone could see it. I asked her about it, and she said that they write all serious medical conditions on the front of a patient’s notes. She could see I was upset, so made a new set of notes that didn’t have it on there. It was a small detail, but it made a big difference.”

But if the person’s response isn’t satisfactory, you may want to take things further. For example, if he or she works for a business or an organisation, you could speak to someone more senior. Most workplaces or organisations will have a policy or handbook you could refer to.

There are often more formal ways of challenging discrimination. This may involve using complaints or grievance procedures or the law. Going through these processes can be emotionally draining and time-consuming, with no guarantee of a satisfactory result. But there are a number of organisations which can help you with this, some of which are listed in Getting support and championing your rights.

Discrimination against people with HIV is taken seriously by government agencies and HIV support organisations. The Equality Act makes it illegal to discriminate against people with HIV in employment, education, housing and the provision of goods and services.

It may be reassuring just to know what the law or a policy says. That way you can know for sure that you shouldn’t have been treated in a certain way.